Am I Worth It?
by Luthiaesc
Summary: Just a non-rhyming poem about Naruto, and his final suicide. Rated M for said suicide! Please don't flame!


Right! This is just something I wrote after a moment of inspiration in Sociology, I know it's depressing! But at the same time, it's not.

Naruto is not mine! Neither is the idea that he kills himself! Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto-sama, and everyone else owns the idea... I know this sucks, but I'm a story-writer and manga-artist, not a poet!

Any mistakes, please let me know, and I'd love some reviews! *puppy dog eyes* Okay!

* * *

I wonder why my life is hell.

The violence, the anger, the hate…

A sound of flesh hitting flesh

- a fist, a foot, an entire body.

The hiss of breath at shocks of pain,

The cries and shouts for help – ignored.

The "crunch" and "crack" and "snap" of bones

Breaking under force, one by one.

The sound of dripping, blood hitting the ground,

Leaving my body through wounds – so many!

A single whimper escapes my lips,

Another blow for my break of silence.

Then I'm alone. So cold, and sore,

And alone again.

No-one to help me, to hold me,

Comfort, love and friendship are a world away.

The flashes of light as I try to move,

The pain so great; my sight darkens.

I'll never cry, no matter how much I want to,

I'll never show weaknesses – they'll hate me more!

Too sore to move, I do naught but stare –

Even the ceiling above me bears my blood.

A single tear will fall – every time, just one.

No more – I wish for no more pain.

I slip into sleep, my body healing –

My inner Demon is my Angel.

I dream of lover, the feel of friendship,

And I let myself go.

No-one will ever love me. No-one can.

I wait for the dawn; my smile ready to appear,

No-one will know how I feel every day,

What I endure every night.

The sun has risen – my mask is in place,

The wound have healed, the blood washed away,

The smile on my face, I'm ready to shout,

To pretend that I'm fine. That I'm still sane.

No-one will know my hell – it is mine to bear, alone.

This is my purpose; protect those around me, from me.

A knock. They're here. Time to go.

Fix my smile, and I'm ready. I follow, as expected.

I must never lead, never order, never rule,

My greatest dream was out of reach, to me

BeforeI had even dreamt it.

Hokage? A demon's child can not rule, must not,

Will not – will be killed before it can try.

Killed. How can I be killed when I am already dead inside?

No emotions, no feelings, no thoughts –

Just an empty shell surviving in a personal hell.

We work together, day in, day out, but they never suspect –

Never ask why I limp, where the bruises come from,

Why I avoid contact, touch, embraces;

Even when I long for them, I walk away.

I can never get close; I must never let myself show;

It'll only be ripped away,

Leaving another gaping hole in my heart,

And my defences. If I can't protect myself,

How can I protect others _from_ myself?

How can I save them from the hell that is me?

The demon that I am? The innocent child I've never been?

It's time to go home – but where can I go?

My house is not a home,

For a home should not be soaked in blood!

There's the cliff, bearing the faces of the leaders;

Hokages – what I strive to be.

Would it be so difficult? To feel the rush of air,

The peaceful moment. The split second of regret,

Then nothing. Suicide –

A word made to make the committer feel guilty…

But it won't affect my choice.

I live in guilt and regret; it is my existence.

Climbing the stairs, I head towards my end,

Regretting nothing but my life and my burden.

No-one sees my, no-one cares,

If I died, would anyone even notice?

The top of the world – standing on the cliff,

Counting down in my head to my demise…

Three steps forward and I'll be done,

But is it worth it?

To end my existence would be to give up my dreams,

Not just those already lost,

But those I've yet to find –

-If I survive this hell.

I'll be leaving nothing behind,

I own no material belongings –

A demon child doesn't deserve them.

_I_ don't deserve them.

Never given gifts, never having money,

Starving and freezing, slowly dying.

I have patience – I could wait for my death,

Taking the pain, the hunger, the cold,

But it's not wroth it.

The sooner I'm gone, the better

For everyone I'm protecting.

I'm one step away from eternity,

Ready to take the fall –

And suddenly, there are arms.

Wrapped around me, stopping my feet.

My name is uttered in… Anger? Disgust?

No… an emotion I don't understand laces the words.

Pink hair, black eyes, a masked face,

My team. My "friends".

My Satans.

I whisper an apology, deceiving them –

They think I'll stop. And they're wrong.

They disengage form our contact,

And step back, and in that moment of no defence,

I make that final move.

The ground disappears, and I'm flying.

I'm a free bird in the sky, peaceful, happy,

Then the air rushes past; I'm falling.

But I'm smiling.

The ground getting closer, I can see the people,

Those who hate me – but I love them.

I protected them all my life, and soon, the threat will be gone.

I hear my name being called, but I couldn't care.

My eyes close, and I wait for death.

I remember my mask, long since gone,

And the people who I got close to…

They're worth dying for, so I will.

I can picture my grave,

I can feel the ground beneath me – it's real.

The gravestone, bearing my name,

People crying, white roses on the stone.

Then everything is gone.

Am I worth it?

Honestly?

No.

* * *

There will be a sequel poem! Less depressy, 'cause he doesn't die! It'll be taken from the end of this one, then brought back to the team... If that made any sense... O.o

I hope you... "enjoyed" just isn't the right word, dammit! XD

Anyway! Press the green button, people! I love to hear from you all!

xHINODEx


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